"Even though sometimes it's hard for me to watch some old videos, the ones where I'm playing an instrument, like bass, are different. Maybe it's because when you play an instrument, you're not focused on what you have to say or do next, to meet social expectations. This was the period when I had just started to re-explore my gender identity and expression. The transition was from a 'feminine girl' to a person who wasn't very clear about their own gender," writes Blin Sali, a 23-year-old living in Tirana, in his T-Diaries (Transgender Diaries). In these posts, he shares his feelings, concerns, and thoughts, describing what it's like to be a transgender boy in Albania.

Art and gender identity have been part of his journey since he was a child, playing with other children, mostly boys, unless he took the role of ‘the father’ in girls’ games. He admits to being aware of his gender identity since he was a kid, sometimes amplified by the way he was treated at home—more like his brother than his sister. Other times, he felt in between because even his brother was seen differently. He found a way to escape these thoughts through art.

"I have been engaged with art, drawing, and music from a young age. Back then, I didn’t know why, but I found out later. It was a way to express myself or to escape social expectations. When you are playing music, nobody thinks about your gender. It is a world far away from what society expects from us," Blin explains, talking about art as a form of salvation.

But then that world changed drastically when he reached puberty. “It was very confusing because, as a child, you don't understand what will happen. There is an expectation that these changes won’t happen. I faced pressure; I was asked to change the way I walked, to grow my hair, and to dress differently on the beach. At first, I resisted, trying to look more masculine.”

He tried to suppress his thoughts for many years, aware of the circumstances, until he left home in Durres and moved to Tirana to study. "When I came here, my self-examination started again. I understood that I was feeling some changes, but I wasn’t clear. I identified myself as bisexual first, then as a lesbian, and I thought this was the ‘revelation.’ And yet, I was not feeling good. There was something missing. Then I went into therapy, and during the sessions, I discovered myself and my gender identity. From that point, the whole process became harder. I wasn’t happy; I resisted. I didn’t want it to be true, didn’t want to accept it because I knew how difficult it would be. There have been struggles, and it took me a long time to accept myself," Blin recalls.

He didn’t know how to tell others or explain these emotional and personal changes and challenges. Blin never told his family, but according to him, they already knew, leading to conflicts as he was expected to satisfy societal demands.

"I never really talked about my gender identity with my family. I was not ready or prepared to share. My mother found out somehow by reading between the lines of my social media posts. We didn’t talk for more than two years because I couldn’t handle that pressure and my inner process at the same time," he explains.

The only person in his family he really told was his grandfather, and Blin was surprised by his acceptance and support. "I had a feeling grandpa would understand me because he is kind, and I have never been judged by him, but hearing from him the words, ‘Me and grandmother accept you however you are or feel’ was moving. We both cried, but I felt relieved," he shares.

Blin studied violin at the University of Arts and now lives and works in Tirana. He is a human rights activist supporting the LGBTIQ+ community. After coming out about his identity, he has been moving forward and pursuing his dreams. In his everyday life, he sometimes notices people staring at him, but he is used to it. "Everybody needs time to understand themselves and the world around them. And this is fine. We all need time; I also did. But I think everyone should give others a chance, be patient, listen to them, and try to understand them even when they have different perspectives or disagree," he says.

Facing discrimination isn’t easy. "There are realities, things, and situations that exist, even if you deny them. If a human being lives or breathes, despite race, religion, or gender, they have the same human rights as you do. This maybe helps to understand why my rights are human rights, like everyone else’s," he notes.

As his T-Diaries await further confessions, Blin plays his bass, reminding us that sometimes music can help to fade the meanings and mind-sets that divide societies and make some lives harder to live.